Firestarter, Blondie.

Two sides of the same coin.

Almost started a fire with a dish towel. 100% pure cotton, smells like burning wood.

You can't just take it off the heat, the char will still combust. That's the way a lot of things are -- it's insufficient to remove the heat. You have to douse it thoroughly to know it's out.

A few years ago I obsessed about my face. Lasers and acids and exfoliations. Med spas charge big coins for derma planing, where they use a surgical blade to shave your face.

Sometimes you just realize all of the stupidity at once.

I shaved my face for free with a 6-blade razor at home tonight, almost the exact same thing.

The hair on my face is blonde. So white it just reflects the light. It's growing faster now because I'm so skinny. It's a thing in anorexics, soft downy hair on the face, back, arms, and legs. Lanugo hair.

I remember when it showed up during my eating disorder. I didn't think to shave it off, maybe it would have helped my complexion to physically exfoliate.

It took me a long time to realize you can, actually, just decide to stop doing a thing at any time.

Poor pitiful me says, "you're kidding right?!"

But it's true, we've been doing it in ways all our life. It isn't hard to stop doing the thing. What’s hard is convincing your mind to believe you can just stop doing the thing.

I never said it was easy.

We confuse two sides of a coin often.

Easy vs simple, not the same thing.

Choice vs decision, here we go again.

I chose to go eat wings yesterday afternoon.

I decided to move in with my ex-boyfriend so I could sell my ambulance and not be homeless in the process.

The more I think about it, also good vs bad. Same coin, different faces.

I have a hard time remembering some people's faces I ought to remember clearly. It's a good vs bad coin issue. They are the people who strongly represented both sides of the coin at different times. No longer able to be differentiated.

I bought a jar of Overtone with the intention of coloring my hair. It sits in the bathroom waiting wistfully, alone.

But I pulled my hair up tonight to wash my face and felt a fondness for the blonde growing out.

I guess there's hope for me yet.