Waiting for the mountain lioness to come down and say hello from the hills. She’s always just sitting on the ridge, watching.
Not so cold I need the fireplace on.
Birds sitting on the skylights this morning. “Wake up! Wake up!”
I have new neighbors. They showed up late at night with a truck and uHaul trailer behind. Left without unpacking and came back a few days later. Curious things. They have a few small dogs, and a teenager driving a Jeep that burns oil.
They mounted Starlink on the roof immediately.
I’m still hotspotting off my phone, but it’s fancy now and provides satellite from surrounding Starlink dishes. There are still dead zones and I’m grateful for each one when the phone or music cuts out. Left in silence and self.
Reminded that connection to the big world is questionable.
Bluebird in the bushes.
There’s always some noise here. Birds and squirrels and coyotes. Bugs sing and I don’t mind them, yet. Lizards always leaping out of my way. Snails and slugs and worms in the garden.
I smell Rosemary and Sage and hundreds of other fragrances burning in the heat of day. Except today, when clouds are sitting on us.
In my twenties, I dated a Bryan for a few months.
He wasn’t very smart, but he had his shit together. I met him in a dive bar I’d go out dancing at. He worked with a friend of mine I couldn’t stand.
Always wondered how long he knew about me before we first talked.
After exchanging names, I learned he had a motorcycle and told him to take me on a ride.
We left immediately for his house to get it, knowing each other for minutes. Drove for hours through the country that first night. Radio silence between us, like driving through dead zones. Arms wrapped around him tight smelling hayfields and falling dew.
Bryan didn’t drink alcohol and would become visibly upset when talking about how much his dad liked to smoke weed. His moral character made up for the lack of intellectual skill.
He always tried to do right things by me.
After I broke up with him he’d sometimes call. “Hey, let’s go dancing,” he’d say.
I loved that about him.
Last week I hoisted a hundred-fifty pound rolled-up organic latex mattress upstairs. It weighs more than me, fighting outside my class.
I’d waited around all day for some dude to come and do it for me. Only to get canceled on last minute, “sorry, you’re too far away.”
Motherfucker.
I made the impossible happen. What I’d tried to do myself days before felt easy fueled with rage.
Still laughing out loud thinking about doctor’s orders, “don’t lift anything more than a few pounds yet.”
Sorry doc, this girl has shit to do.
Not waiting another night to enjoy this bedroom view.
